then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize