Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize