thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
