Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
