the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
