Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize