I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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