Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
