I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
