Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
