Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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