Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
