She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
