just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The Olympian is in my bed
I would fuck him just for his dog
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