So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Dear god my vagina.
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