Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
