Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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