508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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