Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
