this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
