Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Alive.
So much puke
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize