So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
