dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
