Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
