Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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