So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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