Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize