is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize