Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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