I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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