I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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