when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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