I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
