i don't like sucking hair
he was CRYING into my vagina
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
