I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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