three words: i give head
three words: not that well
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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