he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
