i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
