i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
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