omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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