Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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