Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
