One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
