Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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