Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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