Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
