the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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