Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
