Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
