We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
