We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
