I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
