I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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