You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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