i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
