I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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