a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
