How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
