Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my being single is dangerous.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
