Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
