I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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