The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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