The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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