There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
