i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
