Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
