It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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