she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
