i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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