How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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