Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
