I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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