i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
