Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
