How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
